Simple Knitting Tips: Finding your tribe

I recently had a message from a sweet gal who used to knit with us before the military relocated her family.  She was missing her knitting groups here and lamenting the slowness of finding a good one there (and she has moved to an area where there are lots of knitters).

My response to her started me thinking about the importance of finding your knitting tribe.

Sorry you haven’t been able to find your tribe there. Sometimes those things take time because you need the right sort of people to truly be your tribe, ya know? And it’s lonely getting there, but when it happens, you’ll know it was worth the wait and the effort.

As a knitter, you will be able to find things in common with any group of knitters. Finding your tribe goes a bit deeper than that. 

Finding your tribe is not about:

1) Agreeing on all things. Some of the most interesting groups that I fit into are comprised of people from many different walks of life with a variety of different viewpoints about culture, politics and religion.

2) Competing. The best groups are never about unhealthy competition. Egging each other on to finish something or try that hard technique one more time is good and helpful. Trying to be the best of the group is not.

3) Exclusion. Sadly, I have another friend who has had difficulty finding a good knitting group due to the cliques that have formed in our area. If you try a knitting group a couple of times and no one includes you in the conversation, then this is not your tribe.

4) Survivor. Maybe this is just a summary of the other points, but if alliances are being made and folks are getting voted off the island, this won't be a place of sanctuary where you can knit and bond and relax with others.

How to find your tribe:

Now that you know what not to look for, here are some tips on making the most of each visit to a knitting group as you seek out your tribe.

1) Be open. You're meeting new people, right? Expect new things. Suspend judgement and remember what Mama always said about book covers not always revealing the entire plot of the novel.

2) Smile. I shouldn't even have to say this, but I realize that if you're nervous, you may forget that smiling is your passport to the land of friendship. I tried an experiment once where I smiled at the drivers of other cars as I drove through a shopping/residential area (NOT the interstate! Safety first!). I found that not only did most of the drivers return the smile, I felt like I had won the lottery.

3) Introduce yourself. Don't be like me and give a speech about all your qualifications as a knitter and bore people. Just a simple, "Hello, my name is ____ and this is my first (or second) time here," will suffice. Bonus points for asking the person next to you to introduce you to anyone else he/she knows in the group.

4) Ask questions. People love to chat about themselves. Get them talking about what they're knitting, where they're from, what their favorite knitting yarns/needles/techniques/blogs/podcasts/etc. are and you may find that you've made a friend in record time.  They will think YOU are fascinating!

5) Be patient. You may have to try several groups, several times before you find your tribe. Like I told my friend, it's worth the wait. Sometimes, you may even decide that starting your knitting group is a solution to the search for a tribe. Starting a group won't guarantee that the folks who come will all want to be in your tribe, but it's an excellent way to meet new people.

Once you find your tribe, promise me you'll be on the lookout for other knitters seeking a tribe of their own.  A tribe is not a clique, closed with room for no more.  A tribe has room to grow and expand and welcome. You'll need new members because some will move away and some will have life happen that interferes with knitting group times. You'll need new members because you were once seeking that tribe and you remember that feeling of loneliness that comes from being tribe-less.

In knitting, as in life, it's always about the friendships that you make along the way...

Two members of my tribe who have moved out of state and whom I miss bunches! So glad we had the chance to knit together while you lived in Charleston.